It's been busy in these parts. Busy, busy, busy. "End-of-the-year this" met "end-of-the-year that". I'm fine with busy, when I am engaged and present. This year, however, busyness became overwhelm as my external world encroached on my internal world.
Monkey mind took over. Oh so chatty, chatty, chatty...and full of criticism to boot. And that wise Watcher, the one who helps me see that the moment is in right in front of me, I forgot to even seek her out.
Busy on the outside; busy on the inside. All of my practice went out the window as I was strung along by lists. Places to be, things to do, more places to be, more things to do.
In the background was the most challenging list of all...the list of failures (mine). As a mom, a partner, a human, a being. I even forgot that there is no such thing as "failing" with this busy mind of mine.
The more chatty that I became, the less I did to quiet the chatter. Meditation practice- too busy. Yoga- maybe tomorrow. Gratitude journal- can't find my book (too busy to make, too busy get a new one). The less I strove to quiet the chatter...you guessed it...the louder it got.
...I said it out loud. I told my circle of women what my internal landscape looked like. In the verbalizing of it, I stepped one step back, away from the compelling story that was being spun within me.
Just one step back.
But it was enough.
In that space, I engaged with the Watcher. My partner in life that allows me to see it all from the miraculous place of distance. And then, I asked for help from one of my amazing healers. One step back became two steps back, until I could see the outlines of it all as "story". My story...and not necessarily truth.
In that stepping back, I released the hold that story had upon me. I allowed the moment to return. And the joy. And when our busy schedule brought us to yesterday, I was ready. To watch this amazing day unfold, moment by moment.
I was truly there. All of me. Noticing that this life is full of miraculous beauty. That each moment is full. Whether it be a moment of challenge or a moment of joy. And no matter which moment I find; it's all good.